When life is going wrong, 
when stress engulfs you, when tears flow down your eyes,
just give me a call:
because I sell tissue papers

Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Please just say we're very busy. 
Don't keep saying "It's a madhouse in here!

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q: What is the only class you can plant a flower in?
A: Kindergarden!

Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem. I can never remember what I just said.
Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?
Patient: What problem?

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